this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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