No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
