i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm like, not good at living.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
