it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
