we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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