remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
