i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
