wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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