i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
