I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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