i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
