**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
