i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
