if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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