I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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