I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
