I must be too annoying 4 u.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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