Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
