my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
