his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
