I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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