Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
