He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
