I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
