i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They took my balls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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