Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
