These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
