dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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