i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
