This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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