Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
