Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
