More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
