we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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