i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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