sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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