I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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