Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
