You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
