haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
