I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
