so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
