I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
