I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
