HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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