yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
