By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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