i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
