...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
