someone threw a dead crab at me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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